[ Sometimes, Jonathan wonders what would have happened if he hadn't followed Nancy on her quest to take down the lab. If he and Nancy had grown closer in a much more natural manner, not fueled by grief and vodka. Would that version of them have survived this?
Maybe. Or maybe they just weren't meant to be together. Not every high school romance lasts, but that doesn't mean they can't still be friends, right?
That doesn't make this conversation any less terrifying.
He leads the way, and as much as his hands itch to touch, to guide her the way he had become comfortable with, he has already accepted that Nancy Wheeler isn't his to hold anymore. He sits down, leaving a reasonable distance between them, and thinks of Argyle's words. Just tell her.
He's beginning to wish that he had, in fact, written out his words in a letter like Argyle suggested. ]
This isn't easy to say, but I just need to come out an say it. I haven't...been entirely honest with you.
[No one wants to actually believe that maybe the person they're in a relationship with might not be the one but that horrifying thought has been lingering on Nancy's mind for a good while now. The long distance has definitely put a strain on their relationship but what aches the most is the fact that they've dealt with worse. So why is their relationship suddenly crumbling?
Could they have both rushed into something purely based on trauma and nothing more? She had once thought she had a connection with Jonathan, found someone who actually understood her but as of lately it feels like the two are strangers.
It's a shitty feeling but much to Nancy's surprise it doesn't ache as much as she thought it would.
She takes a seat on the couch, her hands placed in her lap as she waits for Jonathan to speak. She's prepared for anything or at least she thinks she is but once Jonathan starts speaking she can feel her stomach drop a little to suddenly. Her brow furrows in concern.]
[ A part of Jonathan wants to hide, wants to look anywhere but Nancy, but he knows he needs to just barrel through this. Once the hard part is over, they can either work on rebuilding what is left into a friendship or go their own separate ways.
He doesn't think it would ever come to that, though. They just have too much keeping them connected even without their relationship. ]
I didn't send in my application to Emerson. I wanted to, had it ready, even, but I realized that wasn't my dream anymore. I realized that with my family was where I wanted to be.
[ He pauses, finally turning to look at her, bracing himself for the expression she would wear in response to that initial admission. ]
I don't want to be the one holding you back from chasing your dreams, Nance. You should still go, it's always been your dream. And, I don't know, maybe we can still be friends. But...I think long distance may just not be in the cards for us.
[Nancy waits for him to admit that he's done something horrible like he's been unfaithful or that he doesn't care about her anymore. The scenario has played in her head on repeat for months now. What she hadn't been prepared for was Jonathan finally confessing that's he's been lying to her all this time. Her stomach drops like a brick, there is this sudden feeling of botj betrayal and shock. Nancy blinks her eyes a few times but not a tear is shed.
She doesn't exactly know if she feels numb or nothing at all? Her pretty face even holds a hard blank expression. It feels like time has slowed down, she can hear Jonathan's words clearly but he sounds as though he's a million miles away. He's given up on what was supposed to be their future, their big plans and it seems like he's pushing her right out of his life like she never mattered at all.
Nancy can feel her groomed nails digging into her skin, her eyes fixated along Jonathan sharply. ]
You lied to me....
[Her voice is soft as she speaks and Nancy wonders if she's saying it more to herself than Jonathan. Jonathan lied to her. Maybe it was foolish of her to hold him up to a higher standard? To actually believe that he was different and he of all people wouldn't deny her the truth.
She slowly pushes herself to stand, tiny fists falling by her sides. She remains calm, her voice still gentle with each word.]
And you're wanting to know if we can still be friends?
[ Nancy's response hits Jonathan like a ton of bricks. He feels his resolve crumble, and his formerly straightened posture gives way to the shy, reclusive boy that he had been back before they really and truly met, before they hunted the Demogorgon together.
He can't even argue with that. He broke Nancy's trust. Sure, it might not have been something as hurtful as cheating, but it still spoke volumes about respect. No matter what had been going through Jonathan's mind when he had stalled talking to Nancy, he can't deny that he had fucked up. ]
Okay, maybe...maybe not right away. I know I screwed up, and if you can't be friends, I respect that. And I know I don't deserve forgiveness or anything, but you do deserve the truth. Even if that means losing you completely.
[ He draws in a deep breath, his eyes trained to the floor as he sinks deeper into the couch. ] I'd like to earn your trust back one day. But I understand if you need to walk away completely.
[Jonathan should have known that Nancy would not have faulted him if he had just been honest with her in the first place. She knows how much his family means to him and it would be extremely selfish of her to ask that he ever place her first or push his family aside to accommodate her wishes. The Byers had been through so many horrible, unforgettable things and she doesn't blame Jonathan for having that fear to leave them behind without his protection. Yes, his choice would have hurt but Nancy would have respected it.
Instead he chose to string her along and build these great plans with her that he knew would never come to be. Who does that to someone you're supposed to care about? Maybe this was her form of karma for how she had treated Steve and what Steve had done to him. She was now experiencing that level of pain but yet she still felt numb.
The more Jonathan seems to speak the worse the conversation turns. It's one thing to lie to her for as long as he chose but now it's speaking as though she never actually mattered. That he's ready for her to just walk right out of his life if he doesn't push her first. That's what really hurts and sparks an anger deep within the pit of Nancy's stomach. ]
Stop.
[She holds up a hand to silence him before this conversation goes any further, her voice a bit tight with her words.]
I would have expected this from literally anyone else, Jonathan. Anyone else!
[She has to compose herself from yelling because she feels it's not worth it and she still feels oddly calm about all of this. That alone could be concerning but their relationship had always been a ticking time bomb, right?]
[ Maybe there had been a point when Jonathan really did believe he would follow Nancy wherever she went. He likes to believe he hadn't been fooling her and himself all this time. But it's impossible to tell now, the past feeling impossibly cloudy, while the future doesn't look all that much better.
He sighs and rubs his hands across his face, but finds that the sadness he thought would come from this confrontation is not there. Almost as if he's been grieving this relationship well before Nancy was even aware she should be doing the same. ]
I know. I don't know what happened. I guess I thought-- [ He stops himself, grimaces, and then lets out another deep sigh. ] I don't know what I thought.
[ He winces when she comments when the relationship should have ended. He can't even argue with her. It's true, he should have brought this up months ago. Why was he so scared to tell her the truth?
Nancy deserves better than this -- better than Jonathan. ]
Nancy wants to demand Jones give her an answer. When did she no longer mattered? When did he stop being in love with her? Had he even loved her at all or was it all just another lie? Deep down she knows that Jonathan doesn't have an answer and neither does she. She hadn't for a very long time and maybe that's when she accepted their relationship was over even though she didn't fully acknowledge it.
He had really given up on their relationship, he wasn't even making an attempt to fight for her and that spoke volumes to Nancy. Jonathan didn't even have to speak a word, his actions had spoke enough for him. Nancy isn't going to go out of her way and throw out options to save their relationship. She isn't going to grip Jonathan's hand, whisper they would get through this and she certainly wasn't going to beg him to stay with her.
She doesn't offer him comfort or reassurance. Instead she just gazes down at him with a cold, blank stare. ]
[ That takes Jonathan by surprise. What did she want from him? To get angry? What's the point? If he's angry at anyone, it's himself. He's angry at the world for being so fucked up that he needs to stay close to his family.
But he's certainly not angry at Nancy, and he doesn't see the point in fighting for a relationship that had crumbled long before he came home from California. Yes, he was a shitty boyfriend, can list a dozen reason why Nancy should have broken up with him well before this moment, but it feels like a dagger in the heart to assume that means he doesn't care. ]
I do care. Nancy, I cared. Maybe a little too much. Maybe if I didn't care so much I wouldn't have let it go on this long. It would have been easier to let go if I didn't care so fucking much.
[ He sighs as he pushes himself up off the couch and turns away from Nancy, his hands balled into fists at his sides. ] But I know you, Nance. Nothing I do or say is gonna change your mind. So you might as well go on believing whatever it is you want to believe about me.
[Jonathan would be right, Nancy doesn't know what she wants from him. Maybe she does want him to get angry, to show any kind of emotion other than nothing at all. Had he become so hollow, had she? Once he voice raises a little, Nancy finds her heart leaping just a bit, was he finally starting to show just a little bit of frustration? Did it really even matter now? He had already made his choice to not fight for their relationship.
For her.
His words sting her, which takes her by surprise. Had their relationship been that horrible, that broken? Her own hands ball up into tight fists by her sides. ]
I don't need you.
[She speaks the words softly, calm and confident. They aren't spoken to hurt Jonathan but they are words that need to be said if nor for him but for Nancy herself. ]
I expected so much of you when you were here, even when you were gone and that wasn't fair. Yes, I was scared for you when you weren't here and yet again Hawkins was being attacked because I would never want anything to happen to you but-
[Jonathan was exactly where he needed to be and so was she.]
I'm starting to learn that I'm perfectly fine on my own. That I'm capable of protecting myself.
[ The words don't sting nearly as much as Jonathan expected them to. On the one hand, yes he hates the thought of not being needed, or wanted, but if anything that makes this decision easier.
Nancy is going to be just fine without him. She'll go on to do amazing things, and Jonathan might not get to watch her do these things, waiting for her in the wings, but he doesn't feel like he's holding her back anymore. She can spread her wings and fly as far as she wants. ]
Yeah. Could've told you that, you know.
[ It doesn't come out with any sort of hatred or anger, but a resignation. That this was it, there's no coming back from this. ]
You can stay as long as you want, I can. I can go if you just wanna sit for a while.
[ Because he doesn't want to kick her out, but it seems stupid to stay in the same room when he knows they both need their space right now. Maybe he should have thought this through a little better, but he didn't expect this to unfold the way that it had. ]
[She never wanted to lose Jonathan, not like this. Nancy never wanted him to feel like he wasn't appreciated or needed when he was with her of all people. At one time he has been the one person that understood her despite how stubborn she could be at times, the person that protected her and was there for her during a dark time.
She isn't angry that he wants to be close to his family. That had been a trait she admired so much about him, that he would protect those he loved without question. She doesn't blame him either, she understands his need but it's the fact that he lied to her. It was selfish, cowardly. ]
[ And that was that. He feels a numbness settle in, but not the overwhelming sadness that he expected he would feel.
Maybe because he already saw this coming. Or maybe because apathy had been at the forefront for so long, he's forgotten how to feel. On the one hand, at least he doesn't feel a burning need to find the nearest joint and smoke it. Maybe the closure will help him move on. ]
Yeah, okay. I'll...see you around maybe? And if not. I know you'll take care of yourself, so I don't need to tell you that.
[ He draws in a deep breath and moves to politely show her out the door. Maybe eventually he'll be able to make it up to Nancy. Maybe one day they can be friends again, and Jonathan can show her that he's matured and has learned how to communicate better. Until then? All he can do is wish her the best. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
we wanted this. why did we want this.
Maybe. Or maybe they just weren't meant to be together. Not every high school romance lasts, but that doesn't mean they can't still be friends, right?
That doesn't make this conversation any less terrifying.
He leads the way, and as much as his hands itch to touch, to guide her the way he had become comfortable with, he has already accepted that Nancy Wheeler isn't his to hold anymore. He sits down, leaving a reasonable distance between them, and thinks of Argyle's words. Just tell her.
He's beginning to wish that he had, in fact, written out his words in a letter like Argyle suggested. ]
This isn't easy to say, but I just need to come out an say it. I haven't...been entirely honest with you.
NO! /covers eyes
Could they have both rushed into something purely based on trauma and nothing more? She had once thought she had a connection with Jonathan, found someone who actually understood her but as of lately it feels like the two are strangers.
It's a shitty feeling but much to Nancy's surprise it doesn't ache as much as she thought it would.
She takes a seat on the couch, her hands placed in her lap as she waits for Jonathan to speak. She's prepared for anything or at least she thinks she is but once Jonathan starts speaking she can feel her stomach drop a little to suddenly. Her brow furrows in concern.]
You haven't been honest with me? Jonathan?
😭😨😱
He doesn't think it would ever come to that, though. They just have too much keeping them connected even without their relationship. ]
I didn't send in my application to Emerson. I wanted to, had it ready, even, but I realized that wasn't my dream anymore. I realized that with my family was where I wanted to be.
[ He pauses, finally turning to look at her, bracing himself for the expression she would wear in response to that initial admission. ]
I don't want to be the one holding you back from chasing your dreams, Nance. You should still go, it's always been your dream. And, I don't know, maybe we can still be friends. But...I think long distance may just not be in the cards for us.
YIKES
She doesn't exactly know if she feels numb or nothing at all? Her pretty face even holds a hard blank expression. It feels like time has slowed down, she can hear Jonathan's words clearly but he sounds as though he's a million miles away. He's given up on what was supposed to be their future, their big plans and it seems like he's pushing her right out of his life like she never mattered at all.
Nancy can feel her groomed nails digging into her skin, her eyes fixated along Jonathan sharply. ]
You lied to me....
[Her voice is soft as she speaks and Nancy wonders if she's saying it more to herself than Jonathan. Jonathan lied to her. Maybe it was foolish of her to hold him up to a higher standard? To actually believe that he was different and he of all people wouldn't deny her the truth.
She slowly pushes herself to stand, tiny fists falling by her sides. She remains calm, her voice still gentle with each word.]
And you're wanting to know if we can still be friends?
it's like a trainwreck i can't
He can't even argue with that. He broke Nancy's trust. Sure, it might not have been something as hurtful as cheating, but it still spoke volumes about respect. No matter what had been going through Jonathan's mind when he had stalled talking to Nancy, he can't deny that he had fucked up. ]
Okay, maybe...maybe not right away. I know I screwed up, and if you can't be friends, I respect that. And I know I don't deserve forgiveness or anything, but you do deserve the truth. Even if that means losing you completely.
[ He draws in a deep breath, his eyes trained to the floor as he sinks deeper into the couch. ] I'd like to earn your trust back one day. But I understand if you need to walk away completely.
It's bad!
Instead he chose to string her along and build these great plans with her that he knew would never come to be. Who does that to someone you're supposed to care about? Maybe this was her form of karma for how she had treated Steve and what Steve had done to him. She was now experiencing that level of pain but yet she still felt numb.
The more Jonathan seems to speak the worse the conversation turns. It's one thing to lie to her for as long as he chose but now it's speaking as though she never actually mattered. That he's ready for her to just walk right out of his life if he doesn't push her first. That's what really hurts and sparks an anger deep within the pit of Nancy's stomach. ]
Stop.
[She holds up a hand to silence him before this conversation goes any further, her voice a bit tight with her words.]
I would have expected this from literally anyone else, Jonathan. Anyone else!
[She has to compose herself from yelling because she feels it's not worth it and she still feels oddly calm about all of this. That alone could be concerning but their relationship had always been a ticking time bomb, right?]
We should have ended things months ago.
[could they have saved themselves even then?]
he simply does not know what to do
He sighs and rubs his hands across his face, but finds that the sadness he thought would come from this confrontation is not there. Almost as if he's been grieving this relationship well before Nancy was even aware she should be doing the same. ]
I know. I don't know what happened. I guess I thought-- [ He stops himself, grimaces, and then lets out another deep sigh. ] I don't know what I thought.
[ He winces when she comments when the relationship should have ended. He can't even argue with her. It's true, he should have brought this up months ago. Why was he so scared to tell her the truth?
Nancy deserves better than this -- better than Jonathan. ]
Yeah, guess we should have.
Jonathan......
Nancy wants to demand Jones give her an answer. When did she no longer mattered? When did he stop being in love with her? Had he even loved her at all or was it all just another lie? Deep down she knows that Jonathan doesn't have an answer and neither does she. She hadn't for a very long time and maybe that's when she accepted their relationship was over even though she didn't fully acknowledge it.
He had really given up on their relationship, he wasn't even making an attempt to fight for her and that spoke volumes to Nancy. Jonathan didn't even have to speak a word, his actions had spoke enough for him. Nancy isn't going to go out of her way and throw out options to save their relationship. She isn't going to grip Jonathan's hand, whisper they would get through this and she certainly wasn't going to beg him to stay with her.
She doesn't offer him comfort or reassurance. Instead she just gazes down at him with a cold, blank stare. ]
And you don't even care.
i'm sorry for this
But he's certainly not angry at Nancy, and he doesn't see the point in fighting for a relationship that had crumbled long before he came home from California. Yes, he was a shitty boyfriend, can list a dozen reason why Nancy should have broken up with him well before this moment, but it feels like a dagger in the heart to assume that means he doesn't care. ]
I do care. Nancy, I cared. Maybe a little too much. Maybe if I didn't care so much I wouldn't have let it go on this long. It would have been easier to let go if I didn't care so fucking much.
[ He sighs as he pushes himself up off the couch and turns away from Nancy, his hands balled into fists at his sides. ] But I know you, Nance. Nothing I do or say is gonna change your mind. So you might as well go on believing whatever it is you want to believe about me.
I AM SO SORRY 😭
For her.
His words sting her, which takes her by surprise. Had their relationship been that horrible, that broken? Her own hands ball up into tight fists by her sides. ]
I don't need you.
[She speaks the words softly, calm and confident. They aren't spoken to hurt Jonathan but they are words that need to be said if nor for him but for Nancy herself. ]
I expected so much of you when you were here, even when you were gone and that wasn't fair. Yes, I was scared for you when you weren't here and yet again Hawkins was being attacked because I would never want anything to happen to you but-
[Jonathan was exactly where he needed to be and so was she.]
I'm starting to learn that I'm perfectly fine on my own. That I'm capable of protecting myself.
no subject
Nancy is going to be just fine without him. She'll go on to do amazing things, and Jonathan might not get to watch her do these things, waiting for her in the wings, but he doesn't feel like he's holding her back anymore. She can spread her wings and fly as far as she wants. ]
Yeah. Could've told you that, you know.
[ It doesn't come out with any sort of hatred or anger, but a resignation. That this was it, there's no coming back from this. ]
You can stay as long as you want, I can. I can go if you just wanna sit for a while.
[ Because he doesn't want to kick her out, but it seems stupid to stay in the same room when he knows they both need their space right now. Maybe he should have thought this through a little better, but he didn't expect this to unfold the way that it had. ]
no subject
[She never wanted to lose Jonathan, not like this. Nancy never wanted him to feel like he wasn't appreciated or needed when he was with her of all people. At one time he has been the one person that understood her despite how stubborn she could be at times, the person that protected her and was there for her during a dark time.
She isn't angry that he wants to be close to his family. That had been a trait she admired so much about him, that he would protect those he loved without question. She doesn't blame him either, she understands his need but it's the fact that he lied to her. It was selfish, cowardly. ]
I'm going to go.
[She doesn't feel like she belongs here anymore.]
fin?
Maybe because he already saw this coming. Or maybe because apathy had been at the forefront for so long, he's forgotten how to feel. On the one hand, at least he doesn't feel a burning need to find the nearest joint and smoke it. Maybe the closure will help him move on. ]
Yeah, okay. I'll...see you around maybe? And if not. I know you'll take care of yourself, so I don't need to tell you that.
[ He draws in a deep breath and moves to politely show her out the door. Maybe eventually he'll be able to make it up to Nancy. Maybe one day they can be friends again, and Jonathan can show her that he's matured and has learned how to communicate better. Until then? All he can do is wish her the best. ]