[This is super awkward and Steve finds himself shifting as the message comes in. He now feels like a total idiot because he shouldn't have answered in the first fucking place because now-
Shit.
And then there is something about Jonathan's last sentence that kind of hits a nerve and Steve wonders if perhaps that's a small dig considering everything that's happened.
Of course Jonathan doesn't know all that much since he wasn't around.]
[ It's difficult to pick up tone via text. Jonathan knows that. Yet, he doesn't need to hear or see Steve to pick up on it, with just that single word.
Which, it makes sense, because they've never really been close enough to warrant this kind of conversation, have they? Jonathan will happily take the blame for that, even if Nancy probably shares some of it as well. ]
Because you graduated. Not because sorry, I'll shut up.
[Nothing wrong with two guys having no kind of clue how the other ticks, right? Not disaster territory at all. Especially if a girl is involved. Steve doesn't know what Jonathan has been thinking or assumes.
Steve can only hope it's nothing, that he isn't being looked at as that guy but reputations have this nasty tendency to haunt you.
Fuck.]
Yeah.
[Christ. Steve wonders if he sounded like the biggest asshole?
And then there is another message.]
No need to apologize, man. Just a slip of the fingers, yeah?
Nance actually just left. I'm sure if you were to text her like you meant to you would catch her before she got home.
[ Now Jonathan is the one left staring at his phone. She didn't mention going over to Steve's at all, and hell, maybe it's karma, maybe it's really nothing at all.
He still laughs at it, bitterly, all the same. ]
Yeah, for sure, for sure.
Thanks, I uh. Think I might ride this one solo, actually.
[ He could have left it at thanks. Steve doesn't need to know anything more. Maybe he might be a little bit masochistic after all. ]
[The moment Steve realizes how shitty that actually sounded he had already sent the message. Now he's left cursing lowly because the message isn't what Jonathan is obviously thinking.]
[Steve has been wondering when this moment was finally going to shed its ugly head. There has been way too much tension building up since Jonathan returned if not longer. The bridge was bound to give sooner or later.
Steve wants to call him ridiculous, call him a fucking moron but that wouldn't be fair given Steve was once in Jonathan's shoes. The mind can be a cruel thing, it can trick you into believing things that aren't true.
Even about the people you care about. ]
Look, Byers I have a feeling I know what you're thinking so just fucking say it.
[ Theoretically, Jonathan could just say nothing. He could just pretend he didn't get Steve's text and then never speak to him again, but that isn't really realistic, is it?
It's not Steve's fault, anyway. None of what Jonathan is dealing with is his fault, and he knows that. But how does he even tell Steve that? ]
I know you're not gonna believe me, but it's not you, Steve.[ It's the lying, the keeping from Nancy the truth about his application until it snowballs into this, and drags everyone down with them. ]
And I know I haven't been around here lately, and I'm dealing with my own shit, so it's not fair to take it out on you. So, I am sorry for assuming the worst, you don't deserve that.
[Steve doesn't know anything about Nancy and Jonathan's relationship, he doesn't want too. Nancy hadn't mentioned Jonathan much and Steve assumed it was because Hawkins was going to shit.
You know, Jonathan typical Hawkins for you. ]
And you of all people should know she wouldn't do something like that to you. Come on-
But I uh-
I get it, ya know? I thought it to once....
[Which was extremely childish and stupid of him to even assume.]
You should talk to her, you know? You two have been through some shit so-
But you're right, we need to talk, I've been meaning to, just kind of. Put it off for so long it almost feels impossible, you know?
[ Because he still feels like he should have been here, in Hawkins. But he is glad that Steve was here, even if they don't always see eye to eye.
And he knows that she's going to be mad, but not because he doesn't want to follow her to Emerson, but because he kept this from her for so long, and lied that he was still waiting on his response letter. ]
[ And there it is. Not that Steve even needs to (or wants to) know, but leave it to the guilt to eat away at Jonathan for this long. Smoking only helped him ignore it for so long. ]
[Steve doesn't respond right away. He's too busy looking over the message to make sure he hasn't lost the ability to actually read. None of this actually makes sense and Steve is pretty confused here, man.
Jonathan and Nancy were so in love. Blah, blah, blah.
[ Appearances are deceiving, and maybe shared trauma isn't the best link between people, especially when it goes too long without processing.
On top of that, there have been far too many conversations between the two that were left unsaid. And now, it's all been bottled up, ready to explode. ]
Yeah, I'm not so sure I'd deserve that, to be honest.
[ Which may sound absurd; it's not like he cheated, and yet it somehow feels worse. ]
I guess I realized I couldn't really leave Will or my mom, you know? And after everything, it feels like being away from Hawkins again wouldn't really be the right choice right now, at least not for me, so.
You're right, though. I should have just had this conversation when we first got back, but I just kept putting it off.
Thanks, man. I appreciate you taking the time to talk me off the ledge.
[ Because Steve could definitely have told him to fuck off, and Jonathan knows that. He wouldn't have blamed him in the slightest if he did. ]
Yeah.[ He knows she does, but it's easy to get trapped in his own head and convince himself otherwise. ]You're right. And, just, thanks.[ He almost tacks on an apology, for everything, but maybe that's a conversation for another day. ]
[Perhaps if this was a few years ago Steve would have but he likes to think he isn't exactly that person anymore. He's just trying his best to continue crawling forward while he can.
What point would he prove if he did tell Jonathan to fuck off? What would that accomplish?
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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Shit.
And then there is something about Jonathan's last sentence that kind of hits a nerve and Steve wonders if perhaps that's a small dig considering everything that's happened.
Of course Jonathan doesn't know all that much since he wasn't around.]
Right.
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Which, it makes sense, because they've never really been close enough to warrant this kind of conversation, have they? Jonathan will happily take the blame for that, even if Nancy probably shares some of it as well. ]
Because you graduated. Not because
sorry, I'll shut up.
[ And then another text a minute or so later. ]
Sorry for bothering you.
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Especially if a girl is involved. Steve doesn't know what Jonathan has been thinking or assumes.Steve can only hope it's nothing, that he isn't being looked at as that guy but reputations have this nasty tendency to haunt you.
Fuck.]
Yeah.
[Christ. Steve wonders if he sounded like the biggest asshole?
And then there is another message.]
No need to apologize, man. Just a slip of the fingers, yeah?
Nance actually just left. I'm sure if you were to text her like you meant to you would catch her before she got home.
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He still laughs at it, bitterly, all the same. ]
Yeah, for sure, for sure.
Thanks, I uh. Think I might ride this one solo, actually.
[ He could have left it at thanks. Steve doesn't need to know anything more. Maybe he might be a little bit masochistic after all. ]
WELP
The video store. She just left the video store.
[Because clarification!]
look at these dumbasses
He can't blame it on weed this time. And really, maybe that's a sign that he just needs a break from everything. ]
Ah.
So, I'm an idiot.
Confrontation of the century
Steve wants to call him ridiculous, call him a fucking moron but that wouldn't be fair given Steve was once in Jonathan's shoes. The mind can be a cruel thing, it can trick you into believing things that aren't true.
Even about the people you care about. ]
Look, Byers I have a feeling I know what you're thinking so just fucking say it.
it was bound to happen eventually
It's not Steve's fault, anyway. None of what Jonathan is dealing with is his fault, and he knows that. But how does he even tell Steve that? ]
I know you're not gonna believe me, but it's not you, Steve. [ It's the lying, the keeping from Nancy the truth about his application until it snowballs into this, and drags everyone down with them. ]
And I know I haven't been around here lately, and I'm dealing with my own shit, so it's not fair to take it out on you. So, I am sorry for assuming the worst, you don't deserve that.
It's what we deserve!
You know, Jonathan typical Hawkins for you. ]
And you of all people should know she wouldn't do something like that to you. Come on-
But I uh-
I get it, ya know? I thought it to once....
[Which was extremely childish and stupid of him to even assume.]
You should talk to her, you know? You two have been through some shit so-
Might help?
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the distance really messed with me?
But you're right, we need to talk, I've been meaning to, just kind of. Put it off for so long it almost feels impossible, you know?
[ Because he still feels like he should have been here, in Hawkins. But he is glad that Steve was here, even if they don't always see eye to eye.
And he knows that she's going to be mad, but not because he doesn't want to follow her to Emerson, but because he kept this from her for so long, and lied that he was still waiting on his response letter. ]
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That's understandable. I imagine it can't exactly be all that easy for either one of you?
The longer you wait the harder it's going to be, man. Eventually Nance is going to figure out something is wrong if she hasn't already.
She catches on pretty quickly.
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I guess there's nothing to be done except for ripping the band-aid off.
[ And sure, it might end with their hearts getting broken, but better now than with a much more catastrophic ending, right? ]
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It's starting to slowly click. It takes him a second sometimes.]
You're not telling her something aren't you?
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Yeah.
Like I said, I'm an idiot.
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Jonathan and Nancy were so in love. Blah, blah, blah.
Something has to be going on or did something.]
It's none of my business man but uh-
She'll forgive you.
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On top of that, there have been far too many conversations between the two that were left unsaid. And now, it's all been bottled up, ready to explode. ]
Yeah, I'm not so sure I'd deserve that, to be honest.
[ Which may sound absurd; it's not like he cheated, and yet it somehow feels worse. ]
But, thanks anyway.
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Nancy chose him for a reason, right?]
You better not be cheating on her, man.
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it's not like that, I swear
[ After several minutes' hesitation, he follows it up with ]
Our future paths aren't really aligned anymore, but I haven't exactly told her that.
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Thought you guys were doing the whole college thing together?
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[ It's different than telling all of this to Argyle. He thinks he might actually get a helpful response other than go smoke it out.
Even if it's a virtual smack to the head. ]
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Nance is going to be upset, obviously but she might be able to help? I'm sure she'll understand if you explain what's going on, yeah?
She's scary but not cruel.
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You're right, though. I should have just had this conversation when we first got back, but I just kept putting it off.
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You guys have kind of had it worse. I understand that fear, you know? Losing someone.
And Nance will understand that too. You know that. She loves you so-
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[ Because Steve could definitely have told him to fuck off, and Jonathan knows that. He wouldn't have blamed him in the slightest if he did. ]
Yeah. [ He knows she does, but it's easy to get trapped in his own head and convince himself otherwise. ] You're right. And, just, thanks. [ He almost tacks on an apology, for everything, but maybe that's a conversation for another day. ]
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What point would he prove if he did tell Jonathan to fuck off? What would that accomplish?
Nancy doesn't need that.]
Just talk to her, man. It'll help
And uh- sure. No problem.
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